Sachin or Laxman?

Durban, where we were bamboozled for a paltry 66 fourteen years back was conquered yesterday. And boy, it was conquered in some style. The image of an arched Jacques Kallis, helplessly trying to avoid a Sreesanth snorter would be etched in the memories of every Indian cricket fan. Fantastic stuff boys, keep up the good work.

Happens to a South African too

While Zaheer, Bhajji and Sree were exceptional with the ball, it was that man VVS again who set up the game for them. Scoring 96 sublime runs on a pitch where every other batsman was found wanting was something quite extraordinary. Well, as they say, when the going gets tough, Laxman gets going.

It was disappointing though, to notice swords being drawn on SRT (again!!) for failing when the team needed him the most. Statistics were dug up in order to prove how Laxman is a far better batsman than Tendulkar when the chips are down. Glorifying Laxman’s performances while berating Tendulkar’s was totally uncalled for. Not everybody knows the fact that out of his 50 Test hundreds, 20 have resulted in an Indian win. Not everybody knows that out of his 46 ODI hundreds, 32 have resulted in wins. I could have jotted down thousands of statistics just to prove that he has been India’s biggest match winner ever, but refrained from doing so, as it would have provided more fodder for the so called “Tendulkar critics” to dig up some more stats and figures to downplay the man’s contribution to Indian Cricket. He failed at Durban because he is a human, just like you and me. He had an off day at the office, but made sure that his end of year reviews were totally in the top bracket. Over 1500 runs with an outstanding average of 78, not everybody delivers a performance of that stature consistently over a period of 21 years.

“Oh, he failed right? Then why call him God”? Tendulkar worshipers don’t call him God just because they expect him to win every game for India with his divine presence. Like we believe in the creator of all universes, we believe in him. As long as he is at the crease, impossible seems possible, living up to the tagline of one of the brands he endorses. In the 90's, he was the one who used to give us hope when the rub of the green seemed to be going against our way. Not every 17 year old can bat for 6 hours on a seaming Old Trafford track to save a test match for India. It’s only when he departs, the panic sets in, the nervousness starts showing in the form of chewing of nails and wrinkles on the forehead. Remember the 1996 World Cup semifinal against the Lankans? Or the nail biter at Chennai against the arch rivals? Or the most recent Hyderabad hurricane against the Aussies? Impossible was made possible on countless other occasions, only to be made impossible again by the individuals who surround him.

It’s probably only under these situations that even a half century from somebody else looks more valuable than “those” 96 international tons. We expect him to hit a ton every innings, we expect him to stay on the crease till the last run is scored and we expect him to chase down 360 to win the World Cup. Isn't that a little too much? Probably, that's the benchmark the man has set, something which even Laxman and Dravid have failed to do so.We expect him to be accountable for every time he fails to deliver the goods while we forget that it’s a team game afterall. The same Laxman failed when India were battling hard to save the Centurion test, but it went down as an another innings where a Tendulkar century had failed to save India. I am just wondering, had India lost the Durban test, who would have been crucified then? 

It’s high time we appreciate what these men of steel have done for Indian Cricket, rather than baying for their blood every time they fail. Trust me, you would never have a batting line-up as strong as the one which has mesmerized crowds the world over in a long long time. Let’s savor their heroic feats before they decide to hang their boots, because I still feel, that majority of us are incapable of achieving even half of the glory these men have achieved.

P.S. Happy New Year Guys ! :)

Night at an Airport

Disclaimer : The blog posts are meant for the sole purpose of entertainment and humor. Please do not attach personal emotions to whatever I say, and even if you do, I would not be responsible for any heart breaks or emotional break downs.

I am back, to the same place, roughly after a 10 months hiatus. And guess what, nothing has changed. Not every time you walk into an airport, expecting mind boggling changes, but Kolkata airport, for once, just once, could you surprise me a little?

I was in for a little surprise myself when I walked into the Pune Airport earlier in the day. Apparently, my flight to Kolkata via Hyderabad was cancelled due to non-availability of the aircraft. While I shivered at the idea of shelling out close to 15K bucks on a new booking, Jet Airways had a bigger surprise for me. Not only did they manage to find a seat for me on a Mumbai bound aircraft headed for Kolkata, they actually upgraded my ticket to a business class one with no additional charges whatsoever. As luck would have it, I had a sneak peek at richness.Trust me, it's beautiful.

The sad little place

Anyway,coming back to the topic. There are awards for the best airports in the world, isn't there any award to actually identify the worst airports on the planet? I believe only Chennai and probably Pune can give Kolkata a run for its money. While Mumbai, Delhi, Hyderabad and Bangalore have grown significantly over the years to provide top of the shelf facilities to the passengers, sadly Kolkata and Chennai seem no where close to the pole position.

The only difference I could notice this time around were the new billboards for Reliance and Bank of Baroda, for everything remains just the same when I first visited this place some 6 years back. The same old internet/snacks cafe which charges you 80 bucks an hour, as if the lines are drawn straight from 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, California, United States (Google Headquarters, for people too lazy to Google). Trust me, I have paid nearly half of the same while I surfed Desibaba and those other crappy sites on fucked up dial-up's in the early 2000's. There are practically no places to hang out, with a lone CCD located outside the airport. Even the domestic one at Mumbai has one,close to the departure gates.

Shitty dirty toilets, constant chattering and people acting as nuts are probably the other reasons why I hate to spend a night at this place. Who the hell gets themselves clicked in front of the conveyor belt while picking up their luggage? Thanks to my stars, for making me believe that dumbfucks do exist. I had a sudden urge to go to that lady, and politely request her to sit on the moving conveyor belt while I clicked her picture out of nothing, but pure generosity. But, I am still unsure about how her husband would have reacted to my proposal.

Perhaps, the only solace this time around were the bong chicks and yes...Riya Sen. I guess she had come to Kolkata via a Kingfisher flight from Mumbai. There was no hoopla around her, no mad rush for autographs or anything. She looked a bit old compared to what I saw in that short movie opposite Ashmit Patel. Anyway, who cares. It's Christmas time, and with a lot of colleges closing down for the new year, there were quite a few "patakha's" on my flight. Sadly, as an engineering graduate, I have learnt over time and plenty of experience, that while bird watching is an art, bird hunting is a pain in the ass.

I am still optimistic that Kolkata would surprise me someday. Someday, I am hoping to see some light at the end of the tunnel. And please better be quick. 2012 is round the corner.

And yeah, by the way, Merry Christmas people ! Have fun !

This ain't sarcasm..

Don't expect me to cry.
Don't expect me to lie.
Don't expect me to die for thee.
                                              -   Nirvana (Jesus doesn’t want me for a sunbeam)

The above mentioned song is perhaps one of the best I have ever heard.  Hands down, Nirvana was or perhaps is the greatest band ever.  As if, you could feel Kurt Cobain’s helplessness in coping up with the demands of leading a life of a superstar through his songs.

Life is a crazy bitch. Bitch, because just like women, you can never figure her intentions. Someday you are the bird, shitting everywhere as if the entire world is your loo, the very next day you are statue on which life poops. Or perhaps life isn't as difficult as it seems. It is at least easier than the Mathematics Paper that was dished in front of me in Class XI. Thanks to Tendulkar's 98 against Pakistan at Centurion, 60 on 100 didn't cause much grief.

How dearly I miss those school days, when having the biggest box of crayons was equivalent to winning the Nobel Prize, when friendship meant that you would fight with people twice your size just because he passed a comment at your friend’s love, when inter class cricket matches were bigger than India-Pakistan encounters. Man, those were perhaps the best days of anybody’s life. There were no emotions involved in friendship and yet those friends are perhaps the best people ever to walk into your life.

Slowly, as the days passed by, maturity set in. The thinking became clouded, the heart started dominating the brain, and the fun life evaporated.  The word “friendship” became a lot more complex. It became literally difficult to survive with all these double faced people around. A hell lot changed, innocence got replaced by materialism. People were used, while things were loved. Strange irony, isn’t it? Convoluted relationships didn’t help the case either. It became difficult each day whether you really existed for the people you called friends or you were just someone managing their materialistic needs.

Some of my best relationships have been with people with whom I am not in touch anymore. Years passed, and I am still at sea as to who was at fault back then. Probably, let’s leave it the way it ended. Someday, I hope the innocence would return, people would actually love the one's who care for them and life would be as simple as 2x2.

P.S. : This post hasn't been written under the influence of any narcotic substance :)

The Burger Families!

This pic has nothing to do with this blog. I just found it funny

I am back, with some more sarcasm, some more thoughts on everything that’s wrong with this world. Most of you would revert back, labeling me as perhaps the only thing that’s wrong with this world. For all those people, seriously guys, I don’t give a fuck.  Trust me; I have encountered more fuckers than the number of chicks you guys have letched at during your entire stay on this fucked up planet. And it’s because of you fuckers, that I have realized not to give a fuck anymore. Period!

Forget the fuckers; let’s get back to the topic of this blog entry.The Burger Families is a tribute to the affluent, modern families residing in the so called metros of India. This entire generation has learnt to live on Pizza Huts and Mc Donald’s, feasting on Burgers, Pizzas and French fries. Typically, a burger family consists of a middle aged father, his middle aged wife and two spoilt kids, preferably a daughter and a son. Probably, the only thing positive about a burger family is their adherence to the Indian Government’s theme of  Ham do Hamare do. I am still unsure whether that helped in boosting the nationwide sales of Nirodh, but that’s a totally unrelated topic.

Flaunting your riches is probably the one thing the Burger Families love to do. Travel to any posh location in Delhi, and you would realize why the BJP government came up with the slogan India Shining while still, 30% of the population strived hard for a two time meal. Right from a Tissot watch, to a Blackberry and finally to a Mercedes Benz, the food remains undigested in the intestines if you are stupid enough not to show off. Probably, the reason behind why you would find the husband taking calls on his blackberry even while pooping, pretending to be even busier than that President Obama.

The middle aged wife has nothing to do, except to bitch around when the husband goes out to work. Kitty party is just a sophisticated term used for this bitching. The other day I was lunching with my team at some high end restaurant, when I got a chance to overhear some bitching stuff going on, on an adjacent table. "You know, Gupta ji’s daughter ran away with one of her college friends. They were apparently caught in some farmhouse near Lonavala". I know I was wrong in enjoying at other’s expense, but perhaps they were dumb enough to talk about this so loud. Fake US accent, loads of make up just to cover their heavily wrinkled face and shit talk, come on, you can do better.

The kids are perhaps the worst of the lot. Gone are those days when a Nokia 3315 was considered a status symbol. The iPhone’s, the iPod’s, the Xbox’s ruined this generation. Steve Jobs, you surely owe an apology, just like Mark Zuckerberg. While I was busy stalking some random chicks on Facebook, I accidentally discovered a community titled “I was born in the 1980’s, the last generation with common sense”. Probably the owner of the community must have had siblings who belonged to this stupid generation. And probably, their parents have a hand in making them such douche bags. I mean, why do you have to pamper them even when they have acted like assholes. Beta, Please don’t do that, Beta, Please eat your food, I mean, can’t you scold your kids in Hindi? Can’t you just stop pampering them?

As a kid, I had been caned a lot. And a lot means, A LOT. Belts, scale, broom, comb being some of the gadgets used for teaching me a lesson every now and then. Frequent caning made me obdurate and shameless; two qualities which really helped me cope up with serious issues like poor grades and ragging. I had read this somewhere, The greatest pleasure in life is in doing things which others say you can’t do. Thanks to my parents, I modified it to The greatest pleasure in life is in NOT doing things which others say you can’t do, and I call it the middle finger logic. Had my parents acted like the parents these burger kids have, I would have committed suicide long ago just because I scored 06/25 in a Chemistry Test, or when I was asked to recite stories from that distinguished author Mastram in front of an entire Nesci crowd.

In short, the world is a really fucked up place. And it’s getting worse each day because of people like these.

Peace !

A trip on the Indian Railways

Only a man with balls can travel on this train

“Gaadi bula rahi hai..Seeti baja rahi hai…Chalna hi zindagi hai…Chalti hi jaa rahi hai”. This Kishore Kumar number,so beautifully describes the essence of life and one of the lifelines of modern India. Indian Railways, have been uniting this country since 1853, much before Cricket and Bollywood came into the picture.

I have traveled wide and across this vast nation, courtesy Indian Railways. Be it to the extreme northern parts of India, or the down south, or the colorful west, I have been lucky to taste flavors from every nook and corner of this country. I remember each and every train journey I have ever made, because each one has been a special one. New experiences, new memories, distant lands, beautiful landscapes, different people, interesting discussions, in a nutshell, every little thing has been worth treasuring. May be someday, before I die, I would love to travel in the Himsagar Express. 3700 kilometers from Jammutawi to Kanyakumari, that would be one hell of a journey.

It’s easier to get a Congress ticket to contest elections in Bihar than get a railway ticket. I don’t suffer from amnesia, but I can’t recall exactly, when was the last time I booked a confirmed ticket by myself. Thanks to the rigged IRCTC website, I have never been able to book a train ticket at 8 in the morning after sacrificing my ever so precious sleep. And this is the exact situation, when you run from every pillar to post in search of a travel agent to get you a traveling ticket, even willing to shell out bucks to get that ever elusive tatkal ticket. Excellent strategy Indian Railways, no wonder runs into profits each passing year.

Analyzing the reservation chart happens to be one of the best ways to spend time while waiting for the train to move. I do it every time, and I know every guy does this, checking the names of the co-passengers in his compartment. While "F-22" brings immense joy, "M-55" kills the very idea of a fun journey. The worst combination, "M-55" accompanying the "F-22".And you know that very instant, that your chance to write your own desi DDLJ has just been screwed.

Never in those 4 years, when I used to travel from college to home during vacations, I could locate a single “F-22” in my compartment. I was never lucky as a kid, Engineering didn’t help either.  May be it was during these pathetic train journeys, that I started hating kids altogether. Sleeping during the day, conserving their energies for non-stop crying throughout the night, seriously W.T.F.? Hope science comes up with a mind boggling invention sometime in the future, where we get readymade kids aged 3 and above. At least they are tolerable, unlike the infants.

Uttar Pradesh and Bihar is where I have done most of the traveling. Chances of meeting an old weirdo uncle traveling in the same compartment as yours are pretty high. The best thing, these guys are pretty obsessed in knowing your caste/religion. Questions like, “Aur Papa ka naam kya hua??” are bound to arrive, even Shoaib Akhtar’s bouncers are easier to handle than questions like these, with 4 other weirdos waiting patiently for your reply. These multi-talented guys are experts on almost everything, ranging from Obama’s foreign policy, to Mallika Sherawat’s nagin avatar in “Hisss”, Man, you can just sit there and admire. (On a totally different note, I am planning to watch “Hisss”, first day first show, needs some volunteers for company. Totally in love with Mallika’s new look)

It would be extremely unfair not to mention the special “chai waala” on this post. “Chai chai” in that very special nasal tone in the wee hours of a cold morning, can make anybody’s day. Who can forget the “magazine waala” carrying all those cheap Hindi novels scanning the compartments for potential customers? “Sir, woh waali bhi hain..Dikhaaon kya”? And even if you desperately wanted to buy it, the staring eyes prevent you to do so.

The journey has always been as beautiful as the destination.Meeting new people,discussing intense issues over numerous cups of tea, "the special samosa", the amalgamation of different cultures, I must admit, India can best be discovered on a long, beautiful train journey.

Why I hate Facebook ?

Mark Zuckerberg : The A-hole who ruined the world

This post, coming from an avid Facebook user might be like a bolt from the blue for the one's who would eventually read this post. Yes, yes, yes ...I waste about 10 hours a day during weekdays on this stupid thing, while on weekends, I am practically on Facebook. I know I lead a really sad life, but can't blame a guy for that,who hasn't got anything right so far. :) . Trust me, I really hate Facebook. Hard to believe, but it's true :)

I still remember, while I was at college, Orkut used to be the Yo-thing.The one with the least number of scraps/friends was considered to be loser. "Saale, usne meri friend request accept kar li (with a 10,000 watt smile on the face)..."Yaar, meri request to ab tak pending hai ...Lagta hai kal online nahin aayi ". The number of scraps in anyone's scrapbook determined the level of coolness even if they were utter garbage. "Yaar, kahan hai?" ..."Abe peeche mud, tere peeche hi baitha hun". What the Fuck!!!

Orkut never realized when Facebook pulled the ground beneath it's feet. Orkut is dead today, some losers still use it, but trust me, Facebook has really murdered Orkut. 500 million active losers (me included) ...dude, that is some serious popularity. Mark Zuckerberg, you ruined the world mate, and I am dead serious about it.

Oh Man! I feel so sorry !

Well, there are a plenty of things I hate about Facebook.  To put it in a better perspective,I actually hate everything around me..Facebook is just one of those things. :P

"I know what you did last summer". A movie which I believe everybody must have seen. If not, chuck it. It's not worth watching. Thanks to Facebook, I now know what you did last summer, last winter, last month, yesterday or what you are doing right now. I really don't give it a fuck whether you were "pooping on a pot", "or getting a BJ" , "or watching some crappy series on TV" "or you shopped crazily". I don't care what color your lingerie is until and unless you are ready to give me a solid proof for that. There are far, far better ways to create awareness among the masses. Thank God, the guys didn't start campaigning for "Piles Eradication".And what the heck is with those highly philosophical status messages? "When you have developed this ability to listen any thing with out losing your temper or self confidence, it means you have became educated." I mean, can't you for once, act normal ? Nobody gives a damn to whatever profound thought you post as your status message. Posting such status messages doesn't portray you as cool, it makes you look stupid.

Facebook..the damn thing must have been a female. Just when you think, you have completely figured her out, she changes. First there were these random stupid quizzes."How many kids will you have" (Dude, for that you need to spend "quality time" with your wife rather than taking this stupid quiz"), "What's the first letter of the person who loves you" , "What is the color of the underwear you are wearing" , "Whom should you marry", "What is your ideal career/profession" blah blah blah. I mean, not only did you screw my homepage by posting the results of the stupidest quizzes possible, you actually got a tick in front of your name in the long list of dumbfucks I know. Kudos ! Way to go mate ! :)

After the random quizzes era was over, dawned the era of Farmville/Mafia Wars/Cafe World/Fishville. Every Tom, Dick and Harry screwed my homepage looking for help fighting the Mafia, or fuel for his tractor, or requiring new ovens and toasters for some stupid online coffee shop etc. etc. Yeah yeah,swords would be drawn at me as well as for once, I too was addicted to Farmville. I used to wake up at odd hours, just to check my crops and harvest the cats (for fur :P). Thank God, I got over it with a tremendous display of will power.But seriously, if it hadn't been for Facebook, I would have never known that there were potential farmers, cooks and drug dealers in my friend list. Thank you Facebook, for enlightening me that out of 560 odd friends of mine, only 150 were sane. For the remaining 410, just one word : "losers".

Profile Pics. The one notification that is omnipresent whenever I login into Facebook. Ummm...let me correct that. "Whenever I refresh my Facebook page :P". Yes, that sounds better. "X and 10 other friends changed their profile pictures". I mean seriously, what was wrong with the earlier pic? Why would anyone give a fuck to your profile pic where you were standing on a cliff, some 100 feet high, with your arms outstretched (without Kate Winslet..obviously)? Nothing changed, you were a douchebag in the earlier pic, you are a douchebag in the new one as well. And people who get themselves shot in a mall, with a mannequin, I'll prefer not to write anything about them. As they say, "bhaavnaayein to samajh hi gaye hoge" :)

The worst thing. When a female uploads a new profile pic of hers, trust me, there would be certain douche bags in your list, who will grab the first opportunity to post comments like .."aww ...so cute", "nice pic", "looking really great" and truck load of bullshit similar to this. I am still in the process to understand the motive behind these wall posts. Serious loser mentality dude. There's no way that bitch is going to fall for your stupid flattering comments.

Nice ! Thanks FB !

I need this job !

Facebook Ad's. Pathetic and seriously annoying. Who the hell is "Gurbaksh Chahal" by the way? Who cares what he did? And on the top of it, some dumbfucks in my friend list do like his page. How jobless could you be? Believe it or not, these dumb ad's shown on either sides actually popped on my Facebook page. I know what you are thinking. What the hell was he searching for ? :P




Thanks to Facebook, I have stopped watching TV altogether. Movie award shows, new movie trailers, songs, serials and series, I don't have to follow them at all.There's always that somebody who keeps me abreast with whatever is happening in this god damn world. Thank you guys, for I don't surf Youtube anymore. For my homepage, looks like the homepage of Youtube with 10 out of 12 notifications being that of some crazy shit video shared by atleast 10 friends of mine.(another disadvantage of having truck loads of friends :( )

No matter, how much I hate Facebook, I would still like to thank it for re-acquainting me,not only with old friends,but also with people whom I never liked much in the past. I know I crib a lot about how lame this world is, and how everything is screwed, but trust me, perfection can only be achieved if you are dissatisfied with your surroundings.

Peace !

P.S. : F for Fuck sounds better in my head than F for fish. :)