A trip on the Indian Railways

Only a man with balls can travel on this train

“Gaadi bula rahi hai..Seeti baja rahi hai…Chalna hi zindagi hai…Chalti hi jaa rahi hai”. This Kishore Kumar number,so beautifully describes the essence of life and one of the lifelines of modern India. Indian Railways, have been uniting this country since 1853, much before Cricket and Bollywood came into the picture.

I have traveled wide and across this vast nation, courtesy Indian Railways. Be it to the extreme northern parts of India, or the down south, or the colorful west, I have been lucky to taste flavors from every nook and corner of this country. I remember each and every train journey I have ever made, because each one has been a special one. New experiences, new memories, distant lands, beautiful landscapes, different people, interesting discussions, in a nutshell, every little thing has been worth treasuring. May be someday, before I die, I would love to travel in the Himsagar Express. 3700 kilometers from Jammutawi to Kanyakumari, that would be one hell of a journey.

It’s easier to get a Congress ticket to contest elections in Bihar than get a railway ticket. I don’t suffer from amnesia, but I can’t recall exactly, when was the last time I booked a confirmed ticket by myself. Thanks to the rigged IRCTC website, I have never been able to book a train ticket at 8 in the morning after sacrificing my ever so precious sleep. And this is the exact situation, when you run from every pillar to post in search of a travel agent to get you a traveling ticket, even willing to shell out bucks to get that ever elusive tatkal ticket. Excellent strategy Indian Railways, no wonder runs into profits each passing year.

Analyzing the reservation chart happens to be one of the best ways to spend time while waiting for the train to move. I do it every time, and I know every guy does this, checking the names of the co-passengers in his compartment. While "F-22" brings immense joy, "M-55" kills the very idea of a fun journey. The worst combination, "M-55" accompanying the "F-22".And you know that very instant, that your chance to write your own desi DDLJ has just been screwed.

Never in those 4 years, when I used to travel from college to home during vacations, I could locate a single “F-22” in my compartment. I was never lucky as a kid, Engineering didn’t help either.  May be it was during these pathetic train journeys, that I started hating kids altogether. Sleeping during the day, conserving their energies for non-stop crying throughout the night, seriously W.T.F.? Hope science comes up with a mind boggling invention sometime in the future, where we get readymade kids aged 3 and above. At least they are tolerable, unlike the infants.

Uttar Pradesh and Bihar is where I have done most of the traveling. Chances of meeting an old weirdo uncle traveling in the same compartment as yours are pretty high. The best thing, these guys are pretty obsessed in knowing your caste/religion. Questions like, “Aur Papa ka naam kya hua??” are bound to arrive, even Shoaib Akhtar’s bouncers are easier to handle than questions like these, with 4 other weirdos waiting patiently for your reply. These multi-talented guys are experts on almost everything, ranging from Obama’s foreign policy, to Mallika Sherawat’s nagin avatar in “Hisss”, Man, you can just sit there and admire. (On a totally different note, I am planning to watch “Hisss”, first day first show, needs some volunteers for company. Totally in love with Mallika’s new look)

It would be extremely unfair not to mention the special “chai waala” on this post. “Chai chai” in that very special nasal tone in the wee hours of a cold morning, can make anybody’s day. Who can forget the “magazine waala” carrying all those cheap Hindi novels scanning the compartments for potential customers? “Sir, woh waali bhi hain..Dikhaaon kya”? And even if you desperately wanted to buy it, the staring eyes prevent you to do so.

The journey has always been as beautiful as the destination.Meeting new people,discussing intense issues over numerous cups of tea, "the special samosa", the amalgamation of different cultures, I must admit, India can best be discovered on a long, beautiful train journey.

Why I hate Facebook ?

Mark Zuckerberg : The A-hole who ruined the world

This post, coming from an avid Facebook user might be like a bolt from the blue for the one's who would eventually read this post. Yes, yes, yes ...I waste about 10 hours a day during weekdays on this stupid thing, while on weekends, I am practically on Facebook. I know I lead a really sad life, but can't blame a guy for that,who hasn't got anything right so far. :) . Trust me, I really hate Facebook. Hard to believe, but it's true :)

I still remember, while I was at college, Orkut used to be the Yo-thing.The one with the least number of scraps/friends was considered to be loser. "Saale, usne meri friend request accept kar li (with a 10,000 watt smile on the face)..."Yaar, meri request to ab tak pending hai ...Lagta hai kal online nahin aayi ". The number of scraps in anyone's scrapbook determined the level of coolness even if they were utter garbage. "Yaar, kahan hai?" ..."Abe peeche mud, tere peeche hi baitha hun". What the Fuck!!!

Orkut never realized when Facebook pulled the ground beneath it's feet. Orkut is dead today, some losers still use it, but trust me, Facebook has really murdered Orkut. 500 million active losers (me included) ...dude, that is some serious popularity. Mark Zuckerberg, you ruined the world mate, and I am dead serious about it.

Oh Man! I feel so sorry !

Well, there are a plenty of things I hate about Facebook.  To put it in a better perspective,I actually hate everything around me..Facebook is just one of those things. :P

"I know what you did last summer". A movie which I believe everybody must have seen. If not, chuck it. It's not worth watching. Thanks to Facebook, I now know what you did last summer, last winter, last month, yesterday or what you are doing right now. I really don't give it a fuck whether you were "pooping on a pot", "or getting a BJ" , "or watching some crappy series on TV" "or you shopped crazily". I don't care what color your lingerie is until and unless you are ready to give me a solid proof for that. There are far, far better ways to create awareness among the masses. Thank God, the guys didn't start campaigning for "Piles Eradication".And what the heck is with those highly philosophical status messages? "When you have developed this ability to listen any thing with out losing your temper or self confidence, it means you have became educated." I mean, can't you for once, act normal ? Nobody gives a damn to whatever profound thought you post as your status message. Posting such status messages doesn't portray you as cool, it makes you look stupid.

Facebook..the damn thing must have been a female. Just when you think, you have completely figured her out, she changes. First there were these random stupid quizzes."How many kids will you have" (Dude, for that you need to spend "quality time" with your wife rather than taking this stupid quiz"), "What's the first letter of the person who loves you" , "What is the color of the underwear you are wearing" , "Whom should you marry", "What is your ideal career/profession" blah blah blah. I mean, not only did you screw my homepage by posting the results of the stupidest quizzes possible, you actually got a tick in front of your name in the long list of dumbfucks I know. Kudos ! Way to go mate ! :)

After the random quizzes era was over, dawned the era of Farmville/Mafia Wars/Cafe World/Fishville. Every Tom, Dick and Harry screwed my homepage looking for help fighting the Mafia, or fuel for his tractor, or requiring new ovens and toasters for some stupid online coffee shop etc. etc. Yeah yeah,swords would be drawn at me as well as for once, I too was addicted to Farmville. I used to wake up at odd hours, just to check my crops and harvest the cats (for fur :P). Thank God, I got over it with a tremendous display of will power.But seriously, if it hadn't been for Facebook, I would have never known that there were potential farmers, cooks and drug dealers in my friend list. Thank you Facebook, for enlightening me that out of 560 odd friends of mine, only 150 were sane. For the remaining 410, just one word : "losers".

Profile Pics. The one notification that is omnipresent whenever I login into Facebook. Ummm...let me correct that. "Whenever I refresh my Facebook page :P". Yes, that sounds better. "X and 10 other friends changed their profile pictures". I mean seriously, what was wrong with the earlier pic? Why would anyone give a fuck to your profile pic where you were standing on a cliff, some 100 feet high, with your arms outstretched (without Kate Winslet..obviously)? Nothing changed, you were a douchebag in the earlier pic, you are a douchebag in the new one as well. And people who get themselves shot in a mall, with a mannequin, I'll prefer not to write anything about them. As they say, "bhaavnaayein to samajh hi gaye hoge" :)

The worst thing. When a female uploads a new profile pic of hers, trust me, there would be certain douche bags in your list, who will grab the first opportunity to post comments like .."aww ...so cute", "nice pic", "looking really great" and truck load of bullshit similar to this. I am still in the process to understand the motive behind these wall posts. Serious loser mentality dude. There's no way that bitch is going to fall for your stupid flattering comments.

Nice ! Thanks FB !

I need this job !

Facebook Ad's. Pathetic and seriously annoying. Who the hell is "Gurbaksh Chahal" by the way? Who cares what he did? And on the top of it, some dumbfucks in my friend list do like his page. How jobless could you be? Believe it or not, these dumb ad's shown on either sides actually popped on my Facebook page. I know what you are thinking. What the hell was he searching for ? :P




Thanks to Facebook, I have stopped watching TV altogether. Movie award shows, new movie trailers, songs, serials and series, I don't have to follow them at all.There's always that somebody who keeps me abreast with whatever is happening in this god damn world. Thank you guys, for I don't surf Youtube anymore. For my homepage, looks like the homepage of Youtube with 10 out of 12 notifications being that of some crazy shit video shared by atleast 10 friends of mine.(another disadvantage of having truck loads of friends :( )

No matter, how much I hate Facebook, I would still like to thank it for re-acquainting me,not only with old friends,but also with people whom I never liked much in the past. I know I crib a lot about how lame this world is, and how everything is screwed, but trust me, perfection can only be achieved if you are dissatisfied with your surroundings.

Peace !

P.S. : F for Fuck sounds better in my head than F for fish. :)